This? No, unfortunately this is NOT my butt. This is what I call a “stand alone” butt. (A stock photo.) This is a butt that can proudly walk around naked or wear a string bikini. This is most definitely not my butt.
My butt needs HELP. It cannot stand-alone. My butt has suffered the effects of storm eating and 2,000 calorie meals. My butt has been through two pregnancies. My butt has been part of a weight gain and loss of 70 pounds. My butt is tired and it looks it. It hangs in surrender. I only bring this up because I fully realized this by the pool yesterday.
I am at a beautiful resort in Lake Tahoe, California. The weather is gorgeous and the resort pool inviting. I went to the pool yesterday in my new bikini. It is a very cute bikini. I love this bikini on the hanger. But this bikini was made for a stand-alone butt. I realized this as I walked by the pool. Last year’s bikini held my butt up like a good support bra. It held everything in and hid the effects of my emotional eating past. This bikini- that I now wore- told the truth.
But here is the most amazing part-I didn’t get upset. Honestly. I didn’t feel bad or beat myself up. I didn’t hide. I didn’t recoil in shame. I watched myself not care. I was fascinated that I could be honestly aware that that my body didn’t look great, and I didn’t care. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not one of those weight loss coaches who tries to tell you that loose skin, fat, or cellulite are pretty and lovable-they aren’t. Truly they aren’t. But what I realized is that it wasn’t pretty and IT DIDN’T MATTER.
Many of you can relate to what a profound realization this is. It is mind boggling even to me, and I have been at my natural weight for five years now. I DIDN’T CARE WHAT MY BUTT LOOKED LIKE. I stayed and played with my boys and went down the water slide and swam in the pool.
Even when my son (he is 7 and way too into girls for my comfort) pointed out a beautiful woman with an amazing body and stated, “See her, over there, mom? That is what you should look like.” I honestly didn’t even flinch. I could appreciate her body without hating mine. Who knew? Who thought it would be possible to like a woman with a stand-alone butt? Certainly not me.