We spend so much time thinking about this.
I mean really think about this. That question, "Does my butt look big?" isn’t about you-it is about the people behind you. It is about others.
What about the way you decorate your house? Car you drive? Title on your business card? How much of that is about you and your relationship with yourself? How much of it is how you want others to perceive of you and think of you?
So many times in a session a client will say to me something like, " I don’ t want you to think I am dumb," when they are telling me about their thoughts or actions. They will say, "I have gotten so much better, you should have seen me last year." Other similar things you might say or think might include:
I don’t want to hurt her feelings.
I don’t want him to feel bad.
I don’t want them to hate me.
I want them to validate me.
I don’t want to seem like a bitch to them.
The bummer about this type of thinking is that we can’t control what others think or feel. Ever. They get to decide what they want to think about you. With or without your input. They have their opinion and they have control of their opinion.
You may go out of your way to act nice in order for them to think you are nice. You may act intelligent or sincere or sophisticated in order for them to think that you are these things even when they are not what you are feeling in the moment. This is so much wasted energy.
This is you pretending.
It takes a lot of energy.
It is exhausting.
And it never ends.
Trying to control other people and what they think is impossible. We can barely control what we think-how do we expect to control what others think?
And even if you could control what others think by how you behave, what does that really do for you? What does it buy you? A full time job of acting in a way that controls how they think so you can feel good.
That’s the long, tiring way around.
If you want to feel good. All you have to do is control your own thinking. That is a big enough job. Other people’s thoughts are about other people.
Your thoughts about you are what matter.
What do you think about you?