Every Victim Needs a Villian

Do you have a villain in your life?

Maybe it’s your mother.  Maybe it’s your father. Maybe it’s the neighbor who abused you or the kid in school who bullied you. Maybe it is your boss now or your mother in law.  Maybe its your spouse.

I am always fascinated when I hear people talk about their villains.  They do it so matter of factly.  They blame and judge and bash their villains. They talk about them in truly hateful ways.

I know someone-let’s call her Sophia-who lives with this villain mentality.  She refers to her villain often. She talks about how much her villain is materialistic, how selfish she is, what a bitch she is, how uncaring she has been to her, how self-absorbed she is, how mean she is.  She talks to her friends and family about  her villain often and how she has shaped and caused so much pain in her life.

The title of her story is:  If only my villain had been nicer.

I am so bored with her painful sob story I could seriously stab myself with a pencil. I try to understand why she must go on and on with the undercurrent of judgment.  I have tried to join her in her judgment and found myself just feeling like crap.  I have tried to talk to her about her judgment, and she is so emphatic that we get nowhere.  I have tried to listen and understand, but frankly I just don’t.

Then, today, as I am driving in my car it occurs to me.  She has a victim mentality.  She sees herself as a victim.  Holy crap!  This is not a person I had ever seen this way-but truth be told, this truth hit me like a ton of bricks.  She holds on so tightly to her story because of her need to define herself as the victim in her life.

Wow, that sucks.  She isn’t my client so I can’t call her up and let her know about my profound insight and yet it comforts me to understand it more.  I get now why she needs to perpetuate the perpetrator story for her own self-definition.  I can be more relaxed now when she goes into her hateful, blaming parade.

It’s just her thoughts about her being a victim projected onto her chosen perpetrator.

Then I wonder…….do I have a villain?  I know I used to.  It used to be my dad, then it was my mom, then it was my boss……but now, as I think about it, I realize I don’t have a villain.  I don’t blame anyone for anything in my life.  Honestly.  I see now that everything that has happened has been for my ultimate highest good. I don’t argue with my past or my reality.

I have no need for a villain in my life because I am very clear I am not a victim.


Do you have a villain?