I Don’t Like Her

Think about how this statement makes you feel.  Suspend your judgment of her (or him) for  a minute and think about what this thought causes you to feel. Check in with your body.

Not so good right?

I know that you think it is her you don't like, but really it is your THOUGHTS about her you don't like.

When a client says to me that they don't like someone I correct them and tell them that it is more accurate to say they don't like their thoughts about them.  This inevitably starts an argument. (My favorite.)  The client wants to go on and on about the person’s behavior, things they say, wear, or even how they smell.  I always bring them back to the reality that none of that can affect them in any way if they don’t have a thought about it.

My client has to be with the person thinking about her or just thinking about her on their own for it have any effect at all on how they are feeling.

Right now think about someone you think you don’t like.  What are your thoughts about this person?  Isn’t it true that it’s your thoughts about them you don’t like?  Is it just as easy to think better feeling thoughts about the person?  Not for their sake, but for yours?

What does it feel like when you think, “ I do like her.”  Notice how that thought feels in your body. 

Better, right?

Isn’t that good to know?

I also know that I prefer to like people rather than not like them.

I have stopped saying, “I don’t like people,” because one day I noticed it didn’t feel good to think that thought.

I now say, “I like her, I just prefer not to spend time with her.”

Feels way better to me.  Try it out.

Think thoughts that feel good.

I like you when you do that.