Giving People Permission to Judge You

If you can allow for others to have judgments of you with no resistance back, you will taste a freedom most people will never experience.  Other people's judgments are about other people. Their opinions tell us about them, not you.

Byron Katie taught me that pretty much any judgment anyone makes about me is somewhat true.  I can usually find where they are right and be okay with it.  It doesn't mean there is something wrong with me or that I need to change. It just means that I am human.  Human beings are a wonderful mixture of qualities-some good and some bad- depending on who is doing the judging. 

I have learned to give people the space they need to judge me, to doubt me, to criticize me, to dislike me, to fight against me, to ridicule me, to complain about me, to mock me, and to disagree with me. I don't have to fight against it or talk to them about it or make a case for myself.  I can just be in the allowing of it-which feels so much better.

As the holidays come closer, I have many opportunities to practice this new-found skill.  It seems family members  judge each other the most.  I find myself doing it.  I feel somewhat entitled to judge my sister and brother and mother.  Why is that?  Because I love them more?  Because I have known them longer?  I am not sure why-but I do know it feels crappy when I do it.  Even so, I give myself and my brain the freedom to judge them and I watch from the Watcher.  I notice how I feel when I think the judgmental thoughts.  I notice how I feel when I don't.

This helps me immensely when I hear them judging me.  I know from their place of judgment, they don't feel good.  I know from their place of judgment they are missing out on the connection that is so wonderful to feel.  I know their judgment has nothing to do with me and yet I allow the room for it.  I agree with it when I can see where it is true.  This allowance, I have noticed, dissolves it. It takes any fuel it has and extinguishes it.

And from there, we can get to the good stuff that lies beyond the judgment.  The connection that makes us ALL family-beyond any judgment our minds can think up.