I don’t have to be better than I am

The other day I was doing some deep work on myself.  I was having a hard time with a personal issue and I kept thinking that I wished I were more patient and more kind.  This thought was very painful because it was essentially telling me I wasn't good enough the way I am.

The truth is I am not more patient and more kind than I am.  I am not more patient and kind than my thoughts drive me to be.  I found this out when I brainstormed better feeling thoughts.  When I came across:  "You don't have to be better than you are", a huge sense of relief washed over me.  

Pretending never works out well for me. I  am a straight shooter and I say it like it is.  You never have to wonder if I am upset because I will come right out and tell you how I feel.  So when I try to pretend I am more kind or more patient than I am- I have a negative physical reaction in my body.  It isn't the truth.

The truth always feels better than pretending to me.  

So does this mean I can be rude and insensitive and impatient with people and just write it off as being my truth?  Well, I guess I could, but that is equally as painful to me. I do not like it when other people feel hurt or upset and I don't want to trigger them to feel this way.  What it does mean is that I can accept what I am feeling in this moment whether it be impatience or unkindness.  I can accept it instead of fighting against it.  This DOES NOT mean I have to act on it.  It means I can find the thoughts that cause these feelings and get to the root of it.

This is much more kind to myself.  It is much more patient to take the time to feel what is going on with me and accept that this is what is true for me in this moment. I don't have to fight it, I can work with it and consciously make choices that serve me.

As soon as I did this work and found this thought I felt loving and patient and kind with myself.  Of course, from this space, I was much more patient and kind with the people close to me.

I don't have to be better than I am.

Thank goodness.