Today, while cleaning my patio with my jet spray hose, I hosed a humming bird nest out of one of our table umbrellas.
I didn't realize what I had done until the mama came and frantically buzzed around my head. It was horrible. She kept looking for the nest. I am not sure how many eggs were in there, but I am pretty sure none of them will make it.
An hour later I saw her flying around looking for it again.
This was devastating to me.
My husband, who is adorable, of course told me that it was an accident and that she would lay more eggs.
As I continued to obsess about it, he told me that it was in the past and there was nothing I could do about it now. He hugged me and held me. He helped me put the nest back in case she wanted to reuse it. He talked about it with me endlessly.
I still felt awful.
Hummingbirds are so beautiful and dainty and small. I felt like a big predator.
So I went to yoga and on the way down I coached myself. I monitored my thoughts and saw how painful they were. I reminded myself that worrying about it would not help. I tried to give myself a break and worked through my self coaching model.
When I got to yoga I felt slightly better.
Then, as we began to breathe deeply, this thought came to me: "What is supposed to happen…does."
That nest was supposed to get sprayed out of the umbrella.
I was the one who was supposed to do it.
How do I know this?
Because that is exactly what happened.
So, instead of asking myself why this was supposed to happen, I dedicated the rest of my yoga practice to just being in the moment of it having happened. I breathed it in and accepted it. I stopped arguing with the past I could not change.
That nest was supposed to be unknowingly destroyed.
There is no use in blaming or hating or fighting or eating over it.
Mama bird was supposed to have that experience.
I was supposed to have this one.
That is what is.
Not all endings are happy.
Not all things turn out so we can feel good.
Sometimes we can't find a "bright side" or the "good news," and maybe we aren't supposed to.
Maybe we can just find peace in the way things are.
I love that mama hummingbird and I didn't even know I loved her.
I didn't know I would feel so much love today…
What is supposed to happen…does.