Step 1: Avoid it
Step 2: Feel it
Step 3: Use it
We avoid our feelings by consulpting. (Consuming something compulsively.) This always just adds a layer of ick to the negative feeling we already have. We feel lonely. We avoid it with three bowls of Lucky Charms. We feel full instead.
We feel our feelings by naming them. Noticing them in our bodies. Paying attention. We listen for the thoughts causing the feelings and write them down. We stay connected even when it feels bad.
We use our feelings when we find the thoughts causing them and do the thought work to change them. Then, by harnessing the energy of the emotion (and there is a lot of energy there to use), we can use it to create the life of our dreams. Perhaps using the energy of anger to train for a marathon or the energy of lonely to compose a song.
If you notice you are still avoiding yourself by avoiding your feelings-don’t worry about it. You are just in step one. When you get to step three-the problem you had is now your fuel for the solution.