I have recently been doing some work with a design coach on finding out what my "home style" is and how I want my home to be decorated.
It has been a very revealing journey.
Martha Beck is the first person who really taught me that our homes are really metaphors for our lives. So, of course, it would make sense that I would be redecorating and redesigning.
As part of my homework, I was to find images on the internet and in magazines that I loved and would want for my own home.
I obsessively pulled photos of white kitchens with silver pull hardware. I ripped out every photo I could find of homes with tons of light, white furniture, crown molding everywhere, and wide planked hardwood floors.
At one point, I had an offer on a house and I spent the day with the contractor creating this dream space in my mind. My pulse quickens just thinking about how exciting it was.
I later decided not to buy the house. I do not have a white kitchen or the wide plank hardwood floors (light pine farmhouse style is my favorite). But I still want them. Really really want them.
As I have watched myself go through this process, I have noticed something very interesting. The wanting FEELS GOOD.
I love looking through my binder of images. I love showing it to my friends. I love rubbing my hand over subway tile back splash in a store. It makes me SO HAPPY.
On the other hand, when my kids see something they want at Target and they don't have it yet (and I won't buy it for them), they seem to be in physical pain about it. Their wanting seems to actually hurt them.
So I sit here in my house with cherry wood cabinets and narrow plank hardwood floors and I wonder. . .
How can I teach my children to love their own wanting? To have their wanting feel good-even when they don't have it yet?
How can I teach my clients to notice and love their wanting? Wanting thinness can feel good and exciting instead of dreadful and burdensome. Wanting and not having dessert can feel good-not painful.
That is my work as I see it today.
My wanting right now is to teach my kids and my clients that wanting can feel good.
And wanting that does feel very good to me.