This was written by one my students in a writing class I am teaching through The Life Coach School. Her name is Kira DeRito and she is both an amazing student and an amazing teacher/coach. I read everything she writes. You can find her at thethinkerfixer.wordpress.com. Subscribe to her awesome blog.
11:35 to 11: 45
I have a package of strawberry Special K Fruit Crisps sitting next to my laptop. 100 calories per pack. I’m pretty sure they’re pure sugar. I want them desperately. Like, I really really want them. I want them so much that it’s triggering my “something-is-wrong-here” radar that I’ve developed in the past year.
I’m not hungry and I don’t even really want a treat. I want a hit. Medication. Escape. I want to get away from ____.
I can’t tell you yet what it is I’m avoiding. If I eat the stupid fruit crisps I’ll never be able to tell you. Not this time, anyway. Ah, the generous, abundant Universe that keeps handing me the guide-book to filling in the blank. I push it away and push it away until the radar is blaring so loud that I can’t ignore it anymore.
Whatever it is, it’s in my throat. And burning the back of my eyes. I don’t want to think about what’s bothering me. Let’s just talk about talking about what’s bothering me. I’m pretty sure I’m afraid. I’m afraid that if I really dig into myself I’ll find something unlikeable. Not something you don’t like – something I don’t like. Weak. Stupid. Fake.
And so, of course, the only thing to do is look.
And just looking at looking – identifying that I’m afraid to look; identifying what I’m afraid to find (and not even necessarily finding it), yes. Peace.